One of my Facebook friends recently posted a picture
of her three year old daughter’s artwork.
Her comment read: “My daughter colors inside the black lines PERFECT…she's
still 3 years old...Remember that.” While
my mantra is, “Until further notice…celebrate everything,” my stomach dropped
just a bit when I scanned the word “PERFECT.”
I clearly recall being a
young stay-at-home momma who was driven by perfectionism. Frankly, my behavior was borderline obsessive
compulsive. My home was cleaned from the
basement to the bedroom level, the laundry was washed, dried, and put away, and
every single toy and wooden block was in its rightful place. In short, everything was perfect.
Unfortunately, this
mentality spilled over into my role as a homeschooler. So, by the time my son was two years old, he
was legibly writing his name, alphabets, and numbers, counting to 100, had mastered
his shapes, address, and telephone number,
and…yes…coloring inside the lines.
Anything short of this, I felt, was a poor reflection on him and his
family.
It would be years before I
realized that I was disillusioned and had no clue of what true learning
entailed. In fact, my mission to present
this “perfect” picture had everything to do with pleasing the masses versus
instilling sound educational principles into my children. I fed
into the lie that if my children did not reach various milestones outlined in
those infant, baby, and toddler books that I was missing the mark.
In her article “The Pitfalls of Perfectionism,” Jennifer
Drapkin, a writer for Psychologytoday.com, pointed out a few pitfalls to
perfectionism:
- Perfectionists never
feel satisfied.
- Perfectionist cannot
tolerate flaws.
- Perfectionists lead
a life of continual anxiety and fear of failure.
- Perfectionists feel
as though the world expects them to be impeccable.
As a result of my
behavior, my children began to display some of the traits listed above. Erasers were used incessantly and crumpled
sheets of paper filled my trash bins. The straw that broke the camels back was when
one of my sons said he felt stupid because he did not understand a math
concept. I knew then I had to stop the
madness.
It’s been many years since
I’ve lived the life of a perfectionist. The
major shift in my behavior has fostered a more tolerant mindset in my
children. They are not hard on
themselves anymore and have learned to embrace both their style of learning and
overall achievements. As Jennifer stated
in her article, we all have learned to accept our flaws and live a more loving
and satisfying life.
Kimberly K. Parker is the
President and CEO of Writing Momma Publishing, LLC. (www.writingmomma.com). To
date, she has written three books and has helped nine children between the ages
of nine and nineteen write and publish books of their own. This summer, she is offering “The Ultimate
Writing Experience!” For more
information visit www.writingmomma.com
and click on Writing
Programs. Kimberly is a professional
writer, author, publisher, and blogger living in Maryland
