Showing posts with label fathers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fathers. Show all posts
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Addison By Dr. Elwood L. Robinson
My encounter with an 8-year African American male last Sunday left me with a range of emotions. I met him during a stop to get some very expensive gas in Clinton, North Carolina. He appeared to have been traveling with his family who had also stopped for gas. He was outside the family vehicle roaming around having a conversation with anyone who would listen. He approached my car and asked me if I knew several people who he called by name. In each case I replied that I did not know the person. Following my response he would tell me who the person was and point them out to me. These people were members of his traveling party and apparently his family. “Do you know Shirley Thompson,” he would say. “That’s my aunt,” and he would point to the person in the SUV. He then repeated the names and asked me if I knew the person. I responded “I do now.” He seemed pleased that I now knew the persons that he has just introduced to me. I reminded him that while he has introduced me to several people, he had not told me his name. “My name is Addison” he replied in a strong voice that denoted a sense of confidence. I told him that I thought Addison was a great name. He seemed pleased. I was next in line to pump gas and pulled my car forward to begin the process. As I began pumping gas, I was again approached by Addison who said” hello, I see you again.” The conversation shifted to an area that troubled me, especially coming from an 8-year old.
Addison is a small African American male. He communicates well and speaks in a voice that suggests confidence, strength and poise. Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, he is the prototype of someone his age in this country. He comes across as very intelligent with a pleasant and pleasing personality. His communicative style was engaging but not overbearing. It has a maturity which suggests his conversational partners may primarily be adults. I can imagine that he is quite a handful at school and home. His energy and inquisitive nature can sometime be difficulty for parents and teachers to handle. He needs and seems to demand attention. I was impressed with his ability to listen.
He asked if I knew that this father had died. He said “my father got shot last night and we went to his funeral just now.” “Last night!” I responded in a voice that denoted surprise and compassion. Addison’s presentation of his father’s death and funeral was void of sadness or emotional connection. He then asked if I wanted to see a picture of his father in the casket. I nodded in the affirmative and he approached his mother who was standing outside of the vehicle on the passenger side. She appeared disinterested in him or our conversation. She reached into her back pocket, removed a cell phone, apparently turned to the photo section and handed the phone to Addison. Addison in turn gave me the phone to view the picture. It was a young, maybe mid-thirties, African American male lying in a coffin who had died as a result of gunshot. This is an all too common story in many part of these United States. I was sad and viewing this picture and talking to Addison about it gave me a strange feeling.
How does an 8-year old deal with losing his father and the graphic representation of his death on a cell phone. Is the gravity of this event, death, minimized or exacerbated by the picture. His face did not suggest sadness. His eyes were bright with a softness of caring. He could not express it but his eyes could not lie. There was something missing and something tells me it was not just the loss of his father. It was as if his soul had been scarred and the manifestation was emotional detachment. The coping strategy is probably age-appropriate; reduce the death to a game or photograph on a cell phone.
“This is my daddy,” as he spoke with a sense of pride. Or at least he used to be, he left when I was two.” This time he spoke without pride but with a slight sense of anger and disappointment. “He still is” blurted his mother. These were the only words uttered during my brief encounter with Addison. Maybe that explains what I saw in his eyes. Will that memory become a permanent albatross or a source of motivation? Only time will tell.
There was one last conversation to have with Addison. “Where are you going,” he asked. Durham, I replied. “That’s a long ways,” he said. I said “yes it is.” Then Addison with all the sincerity and maturity that defied his youth said “you be careful.” I want desperately to believe that based upon that statement and the manner in which it was delivered, that Addison will be alright.
I immediately began thinking about Addison and his future. What are the consequences of seeing your father as an 8-year old in a casket after being shot. What message does this event send to Addison. How much of this does he really understand. I pray that Addison will grow up to be a strong black man with the courage and conviction to make the world a better place. I hope he achieves greatness. His spirit is strong and pure. Thank you for allowing me to see the kindred spirit that binds us all together. And I say to you as you said to me as I drove off on that beautiful Sunday afternoon. BE CAREFUL.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Friday, November 23, 2012
When Daddy Dances Daughters Smile
“Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to
my children.” Bill Cosby
The importance of fathers can never be disputed in a child’s life. There are many committees, organizations, groups, and clubs that support the growth and development of girls and young women locally and nationally. My personal association with Girls Inc. is participating in the Daddy Daughter Dance. I was fortunate to accompany two of my TEAMUP students to this great event. They had never participated in this type of dance and I was honored and humbled that their mother, a single parent raising her two girls allowed me to take them.
As you can imagine they were excited beyond words. As an educator in public education and working with TEAMUP through The Bridge at my school enables me to teach and encourage young girls and boys to be the best they can be and to teach them to always strive for the stars in academics, to guide social behaviors and motivate students to learn. It amazes me that so many people criticize teacher’s, we do our collective and individual bests to help students in and out of the classroom. As a father and educator it is important to support all children with an anointing of encouragement, wisdom to help them overcome obstacles that they may face in life and model the value of education. This is the responsibility of a father, to be supportive, encouraging, wise of the dangers of the world, use loving discipline and have high expectations to guide their daughters to success and just as importantly sons also.
I encourage fathers, even divorced fathers to be involved in their daughters, stepdaughters, granddaughters, and Goddaughters life. It does make a profound difference in how daughters develop emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. There are too many detrimental influences in society through media outlets; radio, TV, social media and other avenues that do not support positive and healthy lifestyles for girls and women. Statistics do show the positive influences of fathers that are involved, but it goes beyond statistics. It affects the very fiber of societal influences and economic directions for girls as they mature into women. Involvement by father’s means: honest and open communication, sharing of behavioral expectations, visiting schools and talking with teachers and administrators, volunteering in schools, family outings, emotional support, follow through on promises, keeping your word and owning up or “Man Up” to mistakes.
“A dad is someone who is a daughter's first love will be there for you no matter how bad of a mistake you've made will stand up for you when you need him; will give you their hugs and shoulders to cry on promises you that you will always be his little girl loves you so much and will sacrifice whatever it is to make you happy again A father is supposed to be the one man who will never give up on you ” Unknown No father is perfect, striving to be the best father/dad for your children is more important than how much money is in your pockets or trying to impress people. “A dedicated father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.” William Jackson, from personal experiences Girls Inc.’s Daddy Daughter Dance provides daddies of all ages, cultures, and races to come together in support of their children and supporting the mission and vision of Girls Inc.
As stated on their web site; Girls Inc. inspires all girls to be strong, smart, and bold through life-changing programs and experiences that help girls navigate gender, economic, and potential social barriers. These words have importance, when girls grow into strong, intelligent, educated and empowered women she can accomplish great things in the world and be a role model for girls and women all around her. Fathers support your daughters; encourage their talents and abilities to grow into productive and successful women. Fathering / Parenting is not easy, in the grand scheme of life girls need their fathers. You have to be involved (connected) to be a positive and beneficial influence in your girl’s life.
My Daddy Daughter Pictures http://photobucket.com/wgv William Jackson, M.Ed. My Quest To Teach http://MyQuestToTeach.WordPress.com
The importance of fathers can never be disputed in a child’s life. There are many committees, organizations, groups, and clubs that support the growth and development of girls and young women locally and nationally. My personal association with Girls Inc. is participating in the Daddy Daughter Dance. I was fortunate to accompany two of my TEAMUP students to this great event. They had never participated in this type of dance and I was honored and humbled that their mother, a single parent raising her two girls allowed me to take them.
As you can imagine they were excited beyond words. As an educator in public education and working with TEAMUP through The Bridge at my school enables me to teach and encourage young girls and boys to be the best they can be and to teach them to always strive for the stars in academics, to guide social behaviors and motivate students to learn. It amazes me that so many people criticize teacher’s, we do our collective and individual bests to help students in and out of the classroom. As a father and educator it is important to support all children with an anointing of encouragement, wisdom to help them overcome obstacles that they may face in life and model the value of education. This is the responsibility of a father, to be supportive, encouraging, wise of the dangers of the world, use loving discipline and have high expectations to guide their daughters to success and just as importantly sons also.
I encourage fathers, even divorced fathers to be involved in their daughters, stepdaughters, granddaughters, and Goddaughters life. It does make a profound difference in how daughters develop emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. There are too many detrimental influences in society through media outlets; radio, TV, social media and other avenues that do not support positive and healthy lifestyles for girls and women. Statistics do show the positive influences of fathers that are involved, but it goes beyond statistics. It affects the very fiber of societal influences and economic directions for girls as they mature into women. Involvement by father’s means: honest and open communication, sharing of behavioral expectations, visiting schools and talking with teachers and administrators, volunteering in schools, family outings, emotional support, follow through on promises, keeping your word and owning up or “Man Up” to mistakes.
“A dad is someone who is a daughter's first love will be there for you no matter how bad of a mistake you've made will stand up for you when you need him; will give you their hugs and shoulders to cry on promises you that you will always be his little girl loves you so much and will sacrifice whatever it is to make you happy again A father is supposed to be the one man who will never give up on you ” Unknown No father is perfect, striving to be the best father/dad for your children is more important than how much money is in your pockets or trying to impress people. “A dedicated father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.” William Jackson, from personal experiences Girls Inc.’s Daddy Daughter Dance provides daddies of all ages, cultures, and races to come together in support of their children and supporting the mission and vision of Girls Inc.
As stated on their web site; Girls Inc. inspires all girls to be strong, smart, and bold through life-changing programs and experiences that help girls navigate gender, economic, and potential social barriers. These words have importance, when girls grow into strong, intelligent, educated and empowered women she can accomplish great things in the world and be a role model for girls and women all around her. Fathers support your daughters; encourage their talents and abilities to grow into productive and successful women. Fathering / Parenting is not easy, in the grand scheme of life girls need their fathers. You have to be involved (connected) to be a positive and beneficial influence in your girl’s life.
My Daddy Daughter Pictures http://photobucket.com/wgv William Jackson, M.Ed. My Quest To Teach http://MyQuestToTeach.WordPress.com
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Divorced Fathers Use Tech To Connect
By:
William Jackson, Contributor Living Education eMagazine
I’m a divorced father over 15 years; it has not been an easy journey. Communication is the key to keeping a relationship close from the challenges of divorce and separation. Military families have embraced technology because of long deployments and long distances by parents in the service of their country. So the use to texting and other Social Media tools is important. I was not always able to drive to see my kids that live over an hour away once their mother and I divorced.
My intent was to live as close as possible, but the responsibilities and realities of employment, finances and my personal / professional growth required me to move further away.
Travels and Distances
At one time I lived in Kingsland, Georgia before moving back to Jacksonville, so I would drive after work on Fridays over an hour to pick my kids up that live in Palatka, Florida and drive almost two (2) hours to bring them home with me. Sunday after church to take them home it was another two hours then back for me. The travel distance was a time for catching up and reflection on the weeks that passed between us. Allowing us the time to adjust to each other again. This travel time was sometimes tense because as many fathers know we have to wean through some of the drama of Baby Mama Drama. To dissolve the negative energy that may come with divorce. Talking is important when you have the F2F – Face Fathers must take advantage of all resources available to keep the lines of communication open and consistent.
In this age of many types of technology, communication should not stop. It can grow because of Texting, Facebook, Twitter and other Social Media tools right through wireless devices like cell phones.
Tech Using Daddy: Connect via Text
Children and Teens have cell phones for safety, there is a connection that can be used. I purchased
my kids first cell phones when they were in Middle School. I got them pre-paid to teach them responsibility and time management using them. This also was not a financial burden to me and
taught us how to manage time, minutes and importantly money. Their mother at first did not agree
to them having a cell phone, but once I pointed out that it was for their safety and our mental stability
and not for me to spy on her, she was more agreeable. Especially when several kids were almost kidnapped in Palatka. What saved them was the fact that they called 911 for help and were not hurt.
Statistics and Data
Statistics show that 75% of teenagers prefer texting to actual voice. Speaking to my kids they agree.
They would rather text so they can multi-task and not let their friends know they are talking to their father. It was not keeping me secrete, but teens have a sense of pride and privacy even with their
friends. Ironically that is true, I have more conversations hrough texting than voice. We share pictures through Instagram, share where we are on Foursquare and interact on Facebook. This is a
win-win situation because we can “see” what each is doing. If I do not approve of their content I
can exert fatherly advice, not in a demeaning way, as guidance and reinforcement.
Cell Phones and Accidents
The power of cell phones did pay off when my son was in a car accident and he texted to ask what
he had to do. Overcoming my brief panic I texted was he ok and with a positive reply I called and
we went through what he should do. This interaction allowed him to contact law enforcement, take pictures for insurance purposes, and keep in contact with me as I drove to him. The ironic aspect to this is that he could not contact his mother by voice, since she was at work and did not text. Even though I was at work texting kept us connected. Children may not admit it, but when you tell them ”have a great day,” “good luck on your tests,” ”buckle up when you drive” and even the occasional “I love you” they receive that better than hearing you tell them. The beauty is that texting is always there for them to see and reflect on later.
A New Language
and keep lines of communication open. Allows for more intimate tool when sharing your personal expectations for behaviors of your children. Fathers should be involved and have their children
“teach” them how to use it as a better way to connect, provide advice and not allow distances and
time keep a separation between father and children. At the recent SSTESOL Sunshine State Teachers
of English Speakers of other Languages conference that Ipresented, our discussion on Social Media,
this conference supported teachers that teach foreign language students English.
Even foreign students use technology to span distances and communicate with their parents and friends. The Youtube video “Digital Natives” shows that youth have made the transition from Face to Face (F2F) communication to totally virtual. Fathers embrace the use of technology and don’t be scared to ask your kids to teach you how to use it and take advantage of all the capabilities, this allows for more bonding, personal and digital connections.
Don’t allow divorce, separation or other life challenges keeping you from communicating with your children. There is always a way, but he will has to be there to. Take it from my experience and integrate technology whenever you can to communicate with your children. It will payoff
as they mature. Dad will always be there even if it is just a Text, Facebook,
Tweet or Instagram away.
http://WilliamDJackson.com/
William Jackson, Contributor Living Education eMagazine
Fathering is a balance of love, negotiation, trust, setting high expectations and communication.What better way to stay connected than to text with your children. Fathers must be hyped to use technology to stay connected to their children with the integration of technology in their lives.
I’m a divorced father over 15 years; it has not been an easy journey. Communication is the key to keeping a relationship close from the challenges of divorce and separation. Military families have embraced technology because of long deployments and long distances by parents in the service of their country. So the use to texting and other Social Media tools is important. I was not always able to drive to see my kids that live over an hour away once their mother and I divorced.
My intent was to live as close as possible, but the responsibilities and realities of employment, finances and my personal / professional growth required me to move further away.
Travels and Distances
At one time I lived in Kingsland, Georgia before moving back to Jacksonville, so I would drive after work on Fridays over an hour to pick my kids up that live in Palatka, Florida and drive almost two (2) hours to bring them home with me. Sunday after church to take them home it was another two hours then back for me. The travel distance was a time for catching up and reflection on the weeks that passed between us. Allowing us the time to adjust to each other again. This travel time was sometimes tense because as many fathers know we have to wean through some of the drama of Baby Mama Drama. To dissolve the negative energy that may come with divorce. Talking is important when you have the F2F – Face Fathers must take advantage of all resources available to keep the lines of communication open and consistent.
In this age of many types of technology, communication should not stop. It can grow because of Texting, Facebook, Twitter and other Social Media tools right through wireless devices like cell phones.
Tech Using Daddy: Connect via Text
Children and Teens have cell phones for safety, there is a connection that can be used. I purchased
my kids first cell phones when they were in Middle School. I got them pre-paid to teach them responsibility and time management using them. This also was not a financial burden to me and
taught us how to manage time, minutes and importantly money. Their mother at first did not agree
to them having a cell phone, but once I pointed out that it was for their safety and our mental stability
and not for me to spy on her, she was more agreeable. Especially when several kids were almost kidnapped in Palatka. What saved them was the fact that they called 911 for help and were not hurt.
Statistics and Data
Statistics show that 75% of teenagers prefer texting to actual voice. Speaking to my kids they agree.
They would rather text so they can multi-task and not let their friends know they are talking to their father. It was not keeping me secrete, but teens have a sense of pride and privacy even with their
friends. Ironically that is true, I have more conversations hrough texting than voice. We share pictures through Instagram, share where we are on Foursquare and interact on Facebook. This is a
win-win situation because we can “see” what each is doing. If I do not approve of their content I
can exert fatherly advice, not in a demeaning way, as guidance and reinforcement.
Cell Phones and Accidents
The power of cell phones did pay off when my son was in a car accident and he texted to ask what
he had to do. Overcoming my brief panic I texted was he ok and with a positive reply I called and
we went through what he should do. This interaction allowed him to contact law enforcement, take pictures for insurance purposes, and keep in contact with me as I drove to him. The ironic aspect to this is that he could not contact his mother by voice, since she was at work and did not text. Even though I was at work texting kept us connected. Children may not admit it, but when you tell them ”have a great day,” “good luck on your tests,” ”buckle up when you drive” and even the occasional “I love you” they receive that better than hearing you tell them. The beauty is that texting is always there for them to see and reflect on later.
A New Language
Fathers, learn to “speak the language” of your children. The new language today is digital. If you
notice the dialogue is short, direct and to the point. Texting is a great opportunity to span distances and keep lines of communication open. Allows for more intimate tool when sharing your personal expectations for behaviors of your children. Fathers should be involved and have their children
“teach” them how to use it as a better way to connect, provide advice and not allow distances and
time keep a separation between father and children. At the recent SSTESOL Sunshine State Teachers
of English Speakers of other Languages conference that Ipresented, our discussion on Social Media,
this conference supported teachers that teach foreign language students English.
Even foreign students use technology to span distances and communicate with their parents and friends. The Youtube video “Digital Natives” shows that youth have made the transition from Face to Face (F2F) communication to totally virtual. Fathers embrace the use of technology and don’t be scared to ask your kids to teach you how to use it and take advantage of all the capabilities, this allows for more bonding, personal and digital connections.
Don’t allow divorce, separation or other life challenges keeping you from communicating with your children. There is always a way, but he will has to be there to. Take it from my experience and integrate technology whenever you can to communicate with your children. It will payoff
as they mature. Dad will always be there even if it is just a Text, Facebook,
Tweet or Instagram away.
William Jackson
@wmjackson Twitterhttp://WilliamDJackson.com/
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